Australia might not be perfect but I don’t think Aussies have so many issues with the words you use. My Aussie will tell you ten years of marriage is a breeze compared to understanding that invitation to tea.

First of all, if you haven’t worked it out already, in the UK the word ‘country’ itself carries a very different connotation to the dusty, fly-blown, flanno wearing, hard-yakka lifestyle of rural Australia. Here in Britain, think manors and Range Rovers. More Mr Darcy than Mr Snowy River.

So, let’s say you’re invited to his/her parents’ house in the country. Can you imagine if the whole room went quiet when you said “pardon?”? Or your daughter was told she couldn’t use that word in her friend’s house.

Remember these essentials to ensure a pleasant weekend in the British countryside:

Words Aussies should and shouldn’t use on a trip to country Britain

1. When you haven’t heard what your host or their butler said, never ever say ‘pardon?’. ‘Sorry?’, ‘What?’ or even a grumble are safer than this 6-letter word. For the Brits with the country houses and children in private school uniforms, this is the one word that tells them whether you’re one of them or not – whether you’re British or Aussie. A safe bet is to avoid any French-sounding words (pardon means ‘excuse me’ and ‘sorry’ in French). Apparently we Brits still have a chip on our shoulder over the Norman invasion just the other day – in the 11th Century.

2. It’s ‘napkin’ not ‘serviette’. Serviette might sound fancy and French but as you’ve now learnt with ‘pardon’, that upper crust of British society don’t like it one bit. The fact that some French expressions like ‘déja vu’ and, quite appropriately here, ‘creme de la creme’ are acceptable is the subject of another article.

3. You sit on a ‘sofa’, not a ‘settee’, and it’s in the ‘living room’ (or the ‘drawing room’ if the relos have that big house in Devon) – not ‘lounge’ or the ‘front room’.

4. If you need to go to the dunny, it’s the ‘loo’, not the ‘lavatory’, not the ‘WC’ and certainly never ever the ladies or God forbid, the ‘bog’.

Those words are pretty easy. Now down to those meal invitations which still confuse the hell out of your average Aussie hubby. If we were only ever invited to breakfast or brunch, we’d be fine.

When tea is supper but not dinner

Starting with the simplest; some people say ‘supper’ (the ones who say don’t say ‘pardon?’) and if they do, don’t call it ‘dinner’.

When you’re invited to ‘tea’, it can either mean:

a) Actual cups of tea with scones and cakes at 4 o’clock precisely. Timing is a good clue.

b) The evening meal for people who don’t say ‘supper’ or ‘dinner’.

c) If you have kids – a children-only, early evening meal. NB: This means no food for you – my husband was caught tucking into the kids’ sausages to the horror of the host. You’ve been warned.

At this point, if you think I am going completely crazy, just take a look at Debretts.com. Debrett’s describe themselves as: “originally founded as the expert on the British aristocracy, today Debrett’s is the trusted source on British social skills, etiquette and style.” Yep, this is all actually still taken seriously by some people in this fair green land called Britain. I particularly like the pages on ‘Personal Space’ and ‘Communicating with the Queen’.

And a last word: The supper-eating, loo-going, sofa-sitting Brits do not eat dessert, only pudding.

IMAGE: Downton Abbey (BBC)

The post Words Aussies should and definitely should NOT use with the upper class English country set appeared first on Australian Times News.

I can’t find any comparisons with an Australian Christmas Day spent near the beach, or on the beach. Let’s not go there – I don’t want to make every Australian Times reader weep. So guys and girls, just embrace the cold, the mince pies and yes – you do have to wear the Christmas cracker hat over lunch, it’s the law.

Also see: how to celebrate Christmas Day the expat way.

6 am: Chief Cook gets up with a hangover and starts on the turkey. At 39, I’ve still managed to avoid this task but I can tell you, it looks like serious yakka. By the time everyone else wakes up, Chief Cook is angry that he’s forgotten an ingredient and wife of Chief Cook is sent out to find an open shop. The rest of the adults are trying to keep the peace between sweating Chief Cook and hypo kids.

The children are just a tiny bit excited because it’s finally actually Christmas Day. They’ve spent half the night trying to catch Santa and the early hours stuffing their faces on sweets from their stockings. All British stockings must include at least one Chocolate Orange, one Clementine and a bag of chocolate gold coins.

8am: Fourth coffee. “Let’s just have cereal”, suggests a Sensible Sister who is usually over-ruled by a Festive Aunt: “If you can’t have it on Christmas day, when can you have it?”

Over an early morning feast, which must include smoked salmon, the family debates when to open the Christmas presents (amnesia from last year?) “Befoooooooooore lunch!” scream the children. “Oh shouldn’t we save them for after?” suggests the Sensible Sister.

10am: What better way to wash down eggs and salmon than Bucks Fizz! Someone discovers an already-open box of chocolates.

11am to 1pm: The Black hole: Time has vanished and so have most of the men, to the local for a pint. Chief Cook is about to resign. Grandad, on kids watch, is asleep on the sofa.

1:30pm: Chief Cook’s wife conveniently just returns back from the shops and asks reluctantly: “Darling, when do you think we might sit down for-”. But Chief Cook is outside chain smoking and drinking the cooking wine. Things are not looking too promising but the good news is that the Brussels sprouts are definitely ready.

The pub crowd gets back, sees the kitchen and takes some mince pies to the living room. Everyone agrees to open the Christmas presents before lunch, just this year – again. Chief Cooks sits down and forgets about the turkey. Drama breaks out over who should distribute the presies but as usual the youngest wins.

3:00pm: Everyone somehow finds themselves sitting down at their allocated seat, Christmas Crackers laid out, candles lit. The first course is served; the turkey is eaten; the cranberry sauce is ‘better than ever’. Groans are heard over Christmas Cracker jokes and children understand that this is their one opportunity to leave their vegetables uneaten, and so do the grown-ups. Attempts are made to eat the Christmas Cake. And the Christmas Pudding. And the Brandy Butter.

Grandad cries that the Queen’s Speech was missed at 3pm. The oldies remind their offspring that this is a tradition; that they used to stand up listening to her on the wireless; that it’s been going since 1932 with George V. Someone states that she has done it every year except 1969 but nobody remembers why she missed it.

5pm: People start trickling away to hidden corners around the house for online sale shopping and snoozing whilst the clever pub crowd tidies up. Chief Cook is nowhere to be seen.

That’s the traditional Christmas Day in the UK. Or a dysfunctional family’s Christmas Day in the UK. Or is that the same thing?

Postscript: Chief Cook re-appears on Boxing Day and states adamantly that next year he is buying it all from M&S. Until November comes when …

The post Diary of a typical British Christmas Day appeared first on Australian Times News.

Once We Lived Here, playing at the King’s Head Theatre in Angel (London) until Saturday 26 April, is the emotionally-charged story of an Australian family struggling with its crumbling sheep-station and with its past.

Easy to follow, raw and peppered with Aussie humour, it’s a show for the reluctant musical-goer yet it also manages to delve touchingly into deep family conflict.

After seeing her on stage in her roughly scrunched up hair and dungarees, the show’s star, Queenslander and now Londoner Melle Stewart emerged from backstage looking glamorous in a black dress, heels and sparkling earrings on her way to see her husband’s closing night elsewhere. Before she did though, she took a moment to speak with Australian Times:

Do you think non-Australians can identify with Once We Lived Here?

“Yes, and in fact we recently had a farmer in the audience from Scotland whose wife had tears in her eyes as she left. Apparently, the same issues are faced by farmers over here; you just have to swap the drought for the floods.”

In what ways do you relate to Amy, your character in the play?

I was born in Queensland in a small town so I can understand the mentality. But mainly, I can identify with Amy and the family dynamics and characters. I am one of seven children which has always been fertile ground for me as an actress. It has made me very aware of the different roles of people in families.

When and why did you move to London?

I moved here with my husband [Ben Lewis] two years ago from Sydney. We came to experience this side of the world, the opportunities and to grow.

What is your favourite thing about London?

The West End. I love the fact that I can read Judi Dench or Helen Mirren’s autobiographies and the next day, I can watch them on stage.

Once We Lived Here, by Dean Bryant and Mathew Frank, is well worth a night out in Angel.

Award-winning in Australia and with a stint in New York, this true blue musical about family life on a farm is showing in the small King’s Head Theatre until Saturday 26 April, set at the back of the King’s Head pub in Angel, where we would certainly go back for a pint. Full of atmosphere, the pub manages to make work an eclectic mix of American saloon bar, English Pub and original theatre seats. Everyone inside, staff and punters, were super friendly and up for a chat and a live band greeted us after the show.

As you step into the theatre, the scene is set with sand on the ground reminding Aussie members of the audience of the Outback. We’re easily drawn into the storyline of the family brought back together around their sick mother. Amy (Melle Stewart), clad in dungarees and boots, is the eldest daughter who stayed home to try to save the farm and look after her mother, Claire (Simone Craddock). The other children come home, Shaun (Lestyn Arwel), the dope-smoking lost musician son and Lecy (Belinda Wollaston), the sexy self-centred media-type. Burke (Shaun Rennie), the stereotypical tall strapping Aussie farmhand, also joins in adding some spice to the story.

I won’t give the rest of the plot away in the hope that you’ll enjoy this night out and support Australian talent breaking onto the international stage. It offers a taste of home for the Australian audience, a journey to a distant dusty land for the British like me. My Aussie husband loved the play for its sense of nostalgia, the talk of servos and utes and also its stark reminder of issues back home – the drought and bush fires. Whatever our nationality, I think all of us can empathise with the characters’ difficulty ‘in relating to each other despite being related’.

‘Once We Lived There’ runs until Saturday April 26th at 7.15pm with a Saturday matinee at 2pm.

King’s Head Theatre, 115 Upper Street, London N1 1QN

Box office 020 7478 0160

www.kingsheadtheatre.com

IMAGE: Once We Lived Here – Melle Stewart (Amy) – photo by Andreas Grieger

The post Rural Aussie on a London stage appeared first on Australian Times News.

The announcement of the annual award was made at a glamorous reception at Australia House in London on Tuesday. Guests at the event were spoilt with inspirational speeches by Australia’s Foreign Minister, Julie Bishop, Baroness Liddell of Coatdyke, MP and former British High Commissioner to Australia and Paola Totaro, Award-winning Australian journalist and President of Foreign Press Association in London.

Now in its seventh year, the star-studded event, hosted by Australian Business, celebrates the achievements of Australian women living in the United Kingdom and recognises individuals excelling in all walks of life.

Sarah Ramwell, Corporate Social Responsibility Manager EMEA, Reed Smith LLP, won the award from a shortlist of finalists including three other influential Aussie businesswomen. Sarah is a lawyer with a specialty in women’s rights. Since 2010 she has run the Corporate Social Responsibility programme at Reed Smith, a leading global law firm where she focuses on pro bono, volunteering, environment and diversity.

Sarah’s passion for human rights and huge efforts to work for the causes in which she believes clearly impressed the judging panel. Her projects include time in Haiti where she pioneered projects to support victims of horrifying sexual violence and fighting social exclusion in East London.

On arrival at the function, with a warm welcome by the High Commission staff and impeccable, beaming Qantas representatives, everyone knew they had stepped onto Australian territory.

This annual event is a must for any aspiring young Australian businesswomen in the UK. A great networking opportunity half filled with twenty-something’s straight from a stint at the gym after work; the other half a set of more demure mature businesswomen with great advice and connections.

Qantas Australian Woman of the Year in the UK Award 2014: The finalists and Qantas representatives with The Rt. Hon. Baroness Liddell of Coatdyke.

After a steady flow of drinks and delicious canapés, guests were ready for the announcement of the award. The loud chatter and laughter stopped when clearly influential women strode up the central aisle to the stage. My neighbour commented loudly: “Look at all that hairspray walking past!” Nevertheless, it was refreshing to see the muscle of an event being female.

A representative for Qantas, Nick Crabb, commenced the speeches by reinforcing the importance of diversity in business today. While filling his speech with business jargon and impressive statistics of women in the Qantas workforce, he also candidly acknowledged that his own business has plenty more work to do.

Baroness Liddell of Coatdyke followed. We were told the Baroness was a huge success with the Australian media when she was British High Commissioner there. A room in stitches, we understood why. Her Scottish accent somehow also gave her that edge of charm over any equivalent English speaker.

Coatdyke’s distinguished hairstyle and pearls were in wonderful contrast with her down-to-earth and endearing jokes. A clear lover of all things Australian, she was an excellent representation of the warm relationship between our two countries. Her keynote speech, peppered with humour, gave substantial and serious advice to any women wanting to get ahead.

The number one rule, she told her female audience: “One of the best ways to be recognised is to make sure you have measurable qualifications.”

Next, women need to be strong: “If you want to climb up the ladder, you will fall off and you need the ability to get back on.”

Finally, if you have a family – get your priorities right. She reminded everyone that nobody will be celebrated at their deathbed for making that committee meeting.

Qantas Australian Woman of the Year in the UK Award 2014 – The Rt. Hon. Julie Bishop MP Australian Minister for Foreign Affairs.

Julie Bishop was up next. Piercing blue eyes, not a hair out of place, she looked like a young Hillary Clinton and meant business. She mentioned her meeting that day with William Hague, UK Foreign Minister, and also regaled her stories as a woman succeeding in politics.

Her steel talk lightened when she went off script to share her Madeleine Albright anecdote, though. The first woman to become US Secretary of State, in 1996, Albright is a role model for her, Bishop said. The foreign minister admitted that she was star-struck when she discovered Albright was having breakfast near her in the hotel that very morning. Bishop perked up the courage to introduce herself to the former Secretary of State and to her delight, Albright asked to take their selfie.

These women’s key messages were that everyone has role models and we women possibly need them more than ever. They also showed the young audience how they are real women with their own insecurities but as long as they can be strong and tough at work, there’s nothing stopping them from achieving success.

The evening concluded with the announcement of the winner and Ramwell’s acceptance speech.

Qantas Australian Woman of the Year in the UK Award 2014 winner Sarah Ramwell

I asked Sarah what would be the first thing she would do when she went home with her winning ticket (part of the Qantas prize, naturally). She said after seeing her family it would be to go out to the bush to listen to the cockatoos and cicadas. Her piece of advice to all women like her: “I completely believe that you create your own opportunities. If you believe that you can do something, you have to create your own opportunities and this way you will shape your own career path”.

Proudly sponsored by Australian Business and Qantas, and supported by the Australian High Commission in London and Australian Times, the annual Qantas Australian Woman of the Year in the UK Award celebrates the achievements of Aussie women living and working in Britain.

__________________________________

The post Sarah Ramwell wins Australian Woman of the Year in the UK Award appeared first on Australian Times News.

Discover unique gifts, enjoy the food, wine and music, and feel smug about supporting small artisans. Merry Christmas to that!

All I Want for Xmas, Truman Brewery, Brick Lane 

Image: Nina’s bakes. Follow them on Instagram here.

10 – 13 December, 17 – 20 December, free entry
(Thursday 5pm – 9pm, 
Friday 12pm – 6pm,
 Saturday 10am – 6pm, 
Sunday 10am – 6pm)

For everyone who dreads Christmas shopping and isn’t looking for a pair of socks for their uncle Joe, this trendy ‘Xmas Emporium’ sells independent retailers in the form of gift markets, exhibitions, designer sales, independent shops and even a pop-up emporium.

Location: F Block 1st floor entrances from Ely’s Yard, 5 Hanbury Street and 81 Brick Lane

https://www.trumanbrewery.com/files/rooms/2765/OTB_NEWSLETTER_LINK.html

Camden Lock’s Christmas Night Markets, Camden Lock

12, 13 & 14 December (10am to 10pm), free entry

Head here for music and funky shopping. You’ll find market stalls, food stalls, the Disappearing Dining Club and a live radio station with With guest DJs including Norman Jay and Anna Greenwood.

Location: 54-56 Camden Lock Place, Chalk Farm Road, NW1 8AF

.com/events/event/christmas-night-markets/

Mid Century Christmas Market, Hammersmith Club

Image: Tony Nylons
Outfit: Di Brooks of Outerlimitz 

14 December, 10:30 am – 4 pm, £2 entry

Retro Christmas market all about glamour and pampering. They’re serving hot drinks in antique tea cups, encouraging you to dance to rockabilly music spun by retro DJs, have your hair pin-curled in Vanity Box’s vintage salon and take away a souvenir photo of your new look.

Location: Hammersmith Club, 11 Rutland Grove, W6 9DH

https://www.facebook.com/BettinaScarlettPresents

Christmas at Kew, Illuminated Trail, Boutique Christmas market & Christmas village, Kew Gardens

Check online for dates until 4 January, adults £12.50, booking required

If you haven’t visited Kew Gardens yet, you might like to try their new one-mile-long illuminated trail as it winds its way through the Gardens. And you can do some shopping there too at their Boutique Christmas market and traditional Christmas village.

Location: Victoria Gate, Kew Gardens, London TW9 3AF

gardens/whats-on/christmas/index.htm

Southbank Centre Christmas Market, London Eye

Until 24 December (until 9pm daily), free entry

Traditional German-style Christmas Market with 80 wooden chalets for handcrafted presents like toys, jewellery and soaps. Daily choir performances (1.30pm and 7.00pm), Chocolate Festival (13 – 15 Dec) and a Real Food Christmas Market (until 24 Dec).

Location: Southbank Centre,
Belvedere Road,
London
SE1 8XX

.uk/whatson/festivals-series/the-winter-festival/festive-markets

Hyde Park Winter Wonderland, Hyde Park

Until 5 January (until 10pm daily), except Christmas Day free entry

Traditional Christmas Market with 200 wooden chalets for handcrafted presents like ceramics, wooden toys, nativity scenes and decorations. Festive food also available.

Location: Hyde Park, London W2 2UH

https://www.hydeparkwinterwonderland.com/christmas-market

The post Top 6 Christmas Markets in London appeared first on Australian Times News.

OH yes, Christmas is coming. However hard we try to ignore it, the marketing world won’t let us. Next week, I’ll tell you about my family’s Australian Cake, the one my mother and her family received whilst on rations after World War II.

For now, we’re making plans. As usual, we dream of just dashing off somewhere hot. Lawza gets the bug when the clocks go back and he realises this is it, another flamin’ winter. And I get it from my father. When he visited me in San Francisco, we took a flight to Mexico on Christmas day and, on our stopover, smugly ate turkey sandwiches on an LA beach.

Click here for the 5 biggest differences between an Australian and British Christmas.

Lawza and I have tried it all. My first Christmas in Sydney, I wanted to impress the in-laws. Turned out Lawza had someone else he wanted to impress. He decided to propose, whilst his brother sang Lionel Richie on Karaoke (they claim this was not planned).

Whilst this proposal business was going on – Lawza offered me his mother’s engagement ring, given to her by his now-deceased father (I still don’t dare wear it in case I lose it) – all my efforts slowly curdled in the heat. French salad with yoghurt dressing, delicious imported cheeses, turkey, ugh, they all went off. And so I learnt, when in Sydney, go for the barbie.

Back in London, most of our Christmases have been spent with my extended family – proper big meals, white table cloths, amazing wine, a million courses and a gazillion emails coordinating the whole operation. So last year we thought let’s do it differently, let’s go for the laid-back approach – Lawza style. He sighed with relief when I booked a pub lunch for my mother and the three of us. Not a second of preparation required. But on the day, we just felt lonely. Openly we gushed at the wonderful food and ease of it all. Secretly, we all just wanted to be by my sister’s agar with lots the kids screaming and ripping up wrapping paper. And so I learnt, when in London, take the home-roasted turkey.

I hope all the Aussies staying here this Christmas have a good crowd to tuck in together. If not, see you in the Canaries on that all-inclusive!

The post All I want, and don’t want, for Christmas appeared first on Australian Times News.

Now, hear me out and play ‘spot the difference’:

Three Cliffs in Swansea

Seven Mile beach in New South Wales

Wales does pretty well, doesn’t it? Especially considering it’s running against one of Australia’s most superb spots, according to me — tell me if you beg to differ.

So off we went for a weekend ‘camp-off’ organised with (and against) a cousin. She owns the crème de la crème of camping gear (they even bought a four wheel drive to fit it all in) but we have a strong reputation for consistent basic camping so … the war was on.

Apart from different tastes in tents, tables and blow-up mattresses, we noticed a few other differences between camping in Australia and here. When we’ve camped on communal Aussie sites, everyone’s tent faces the centre area and you rapidly start eating and socialising with other families. However, here, people tend to pitch their tents so their doors face a bush or their friend’s tent. I suppose it’s like my family’s obsession with privacy. I remember the first time Lawza suggested I open a letter addressed to him, “I can’t do that” I yelped.

And also, Brits seem to have loads of temporary walls and shields protecting the boundaries of their pitches. Granted it’s partly due to the weather, but is it the only reason?

So in our idyllic spot, along with studying the local folk and competing with my cousin’s collapsible kettle and luminescent guy ropes, I spent all my time running around the beach with my cousin and the children. Of course, Lawza wouldn’t go near the freezing water but these British kids have no issue with purple lips and swimming in the rain.

In Sydney, we didn’t realise our first camping trip together was Lawza’s training for times to come. We were at Seven Mile Beach and completely alone once the torrential rain began.

Seven years into life here, we have not had a single rain-free camping trip. Usually it’s just a pain. However this summer in Chinon, France, the weather went a bit far. It was another perfect spot, this time overlooking the river, town and castle, along with an Aussie-type public pool with grassy area.

In a local cafe the morning after the worst storm we learnt: when the tall man went downstairs to check on his baby chicks eleven were dead, one remained shaking but then just dropped dead too; the cafe owner’s tobacco leaves were flooded and destroyed; and the baker’s sister’s wedding was ruined because all the gazebos and tents had blown away.

By the way, according to my uncle, our independent ‘camp off’ judge, my cousin won on grounds of taste (Cath Kidson table cloths, and proper cutlery) but we won on practicality. Lawza was happy – pride intact – and so was my House & Gardens cousin.

The post The great British Camp-off appeared first on Australian Times News.

YESTERDAY, Bella and I just reached the bus as it closed its doors so she tapped on them, assuming the driver would let us on. Instead, he shrugged his shoulders and drove off. As we walked home furious, I told her about her first bus journey in Sydney.

She was exactly two-weeks-old and we were coming home from Westmead hospital with my mother, who was visiting us from the UK. I had Bella in one of those hippy contraptions, like a big green bumpy shawl across my front. She was screaming but so tiny, her screech was strange — hence the frequent visits to the hospital.

As we stepped on the bus, the driver frowned. “No dogs allowed,” he said. Now, I know I’m not Miss World but still, could someone be so rude? After some confusion, I discovered he’d thought my magical-amazing newborn was a yappy dog tucked against my chest! When I finally produced scrawny Bella, he nodded embarrassed and was up for a good chat. As he told us his entertaining stories about journeys in Paramatta and Westmead, he asked me where we lived. He checked with the other passengers and with their approval, went off his route, down some small winding roads and delivered us to our doorstep.

Eight years later, we’re still in London despite the bus drivers’ customer service. And that’s partly because here we have uncovered a gem, one of London’s many villages, invisible to single me eleven years ago.

Amongst the frenzied crowds of our urban life, tucked between the betting shops and pawnbrokers is this world of friends, shopkeepers, vicars, teachers and chemists – all caring for families like mine, all sharing the daily grind. It’s a free banana for Bella one day, a consoling conversation for me on another. Sometimes there are platitudes but mostly just friendships which I never expected to find here.

Sadly, this is accompanied by the realities of any mixed-continent family. Wherever we are, we’ll always be far from one of our families, from one of our homes. For the moment, it’s Lawza’s turn to spend hours on the phone at random times of the day, browsing at birthday pictures on Facebook. We’re slowly accepting that we may never know where will we ‘settle’ and our families have stopped asking us “will you ever go back?” or “when are you coming home?”

As the weather gets colder and we see pictures of Bella’s cousins at the beach, we wonder whether we’ve got it right. But then we realise we’ll probably never get it right. Instead, we’ll continue to just enjoy each day as it comes, wherever it comes, but probably not on a London bus.

The post It takes a village…and then some appeared first on Australian Times News.

TWO weeks after I’d escaped London to become a scuba diving instructor, I met a bloke from the West (Sydney that is, not West London yet!) One year later we’re married, another year Bella’s in toe and a couple more years later, we’re all in London. Where else to settle but Shepherd’s Bush, where my family seems to inhabit one half, Australians the other. And of course, we discover the Walkabout.

Today, Sunday 6 October, it took quite some explaining to find a baby-sitter. “No, Lawza is not a raving alcoholic – just because he’s going to the pub at 9am on Sunday. I just happen to be running a half-marathon (my last ever) whilst he goes to the Walkie – in his case really for the last time.”

Finally, I step in, medal around my neck, race number on my vest. Fellow English women, it seems to be the perfect pulling outfit for Aussie blokes. Later Lawza agrees: “we like our women active!”

Still high on endorphins, desperate to join in on Gangnam Style, I discover I have literally entered the Pub With No Beer. I find Lawza and rapidly figure out he must be the one who’s drunk them dry.

Everyone’s dancing, sure most are pretty drunk but even the bloke with the girl’s beanie on his bits makes me smile. Going in there, I’ve probably broken the ‘no parents’ unwritten rule but it’s always given us our good honest Aussie fun, seeing end of the night drunk hugs rather than fights. And anyway, we’ve always loved our ‘whose going home with who’ guessing game. Just beware people! Two years on, you might also find yourself married with a baby.

The Walkie was also somewhere for Lawza when he felt the shock of his first London winter combined with Christmas without his family. It’s on one of those drizzly nights that he met a guy from Melbourne, VB in hand, supporting the team competing against his, Tooheys New in hand. Sadly, he made the cardinal sin of letting Mr Melbourne become his best mate who of course left us – with the kettle and Lonely Planet he couldn’t fit into his suitcase.

And Bella and I already miss watching all the Aussies and Kiwis swaying by on Sundays in fairy outfits or neon skirts. Some translation was required when she overheard Lawza tell me the men in massive nappies were also coming back from church.

As our Walkabout closes, the Bush swaps its loud sharing flats for loft conversions; drunken Antipodeans for parents with FTs. My question is whether some of the young guys in over-sized nappies have now become the new parents at our school gates.

The post What happens at the Walkie, stays at the Walkie appeared first on Australian Times News.