I think I can speak for most Australians (well, I ran the idea past my two Australian housemates) when I say that for most Aussies, drinking a cup of tea is like shopping for anti-fungal cream – it’s not something that you would want your mates to see you doing. And yet after settling in London, I found myself drinking the stuff like it was going out of fashion!

Normally I drank when I was thirsty and ate when I was hungry. Tea fits in neither of these categories. And yet every day at the office when the offer of a ‘brew’ was thrown up, I found myself handing over my ‘World’s Best Lover’ mug and confidently stating, “white, no sugar”.

Simple Aussie bloke, simple English tea

I consider myself a simple man with simple pleasures and a cup of black tea with a splash of milk is almost as simple as you can get in the tea world. I also elected for this flavour to avoid the inevitable snort of derision or high school giggle that would surely accompany any order for “a cranberry, vanilla and petunia tea”.

So for any Australians who are nervous about dipping their tongues into the communal British office teapot (that adjusted proverb sounded less disgusting in my head), see below for what your new colleagues will translate your tea order to mean about you…

You are what you tea

Black tea
You’re a simple person with simple needs. You know that our time on this planet is short and shouldn’t be wasted mixing flowers and herbs to flavour what is essentially hot water.

Green tea
You like to think of yourself as being health conscious and alternative. In reality you got caught up in ‘The Great Green Tea Craze of 2015’ and now you’re too scared to ask for anything else. 

White tea
You’re a trend setter. You used to drink Green tea until it became the “cool” thing to drink. Now you drink white tea, until that becomes the “cool” thing to drink at which point you’ll move onto Mother-of-Pearl tea.

English breakfast
You’re constantly disappointed that your tea doesn’t taste more like eggs, bacon and black pudding. 

Earl Grey tea
You expect that your drink will be delivered to you in a fine bone china cup on a delicate saucer and that, should it not be to your liking, hurling it at a wall is a perfectly reasonable response. In short, you’re a bit of a muppet. 

Hot water + lemon
You’re the tea equivalent of a decaf coffee drinker and in future you will most likely not be told if someone is putting the kettle on as you’re deemed unworthy of a place in the tea run (unless it’s a Lemsip, of course).

The post What your very English office cup of tea says about you appeared first on Australian Times News.

Not that dossing is something to be condemned. As mentioned earlier, everyone does it. Some people have even made an art form out of dossing! These “doss-perts” are capable of navigating their way through over six months of couch/spare bed hopping in London.

But for those virgin dossers, I present my four simple rules to doss by…

Dossing rule #1: Never arrive empty handed

Whether you like it or not, your presence on someone else’s couch will be an inconvenience. The moment they open the door to see you standing there bags in tow, they will instantly regret that they offered you somewhere to crash. It is your responsibility you relieve this regret by presenting them with a token of appreciation. Acceptable dossing gifts include: duty free alcohol, Tim Tams, Twisties, duty free alcohol, souvenirs from previously visited destinations, duty free alcohol.
Unacceptable dossing gifts: anything you’ve purchased at the off licence around the corner because you forgot.

Dossing rule #2: Pitching in is cheaper than a hostel

You are enjoying all the benefits of living in a house for free; the least you can do is contribute to the everyday cleaning of the place. If you’re sleeping on a couch or on a mattress in a communal area, once you wake up pack up your bed. This might seem like a pain in the neck especially if you’re staying for a week or two but it’s nothing compared to the pain of being politely asked to leave because your mate wants his living room back. Clean up after yourself whether it’s in the kitchen, bathroom or backyard. A good dosser is like a good umpire, you know they’ve performed well when you don’t notice them.

Dossing rule #3: “Do you want to come back to my mates place?”

Bringing “new friends” home while you’re dossing is a grey area. Firstly, “do you want to come back to my mate’s place where I’m sleeping on a futon?” isn’t the most attractive proposition in the world. More importantly the last thing your mate wants to consider when he sits down on his couch to relax in front of the TV is whether or not he needs to have it steam cleaned. There is no general rule, best to broach this subject early on in your dossing stay or not at all.

Dossing rule #4: There is a time limit

The simple mathematical equation below should be used as a rule of thumb for how long it’s acceptable to doss for:

L / P = DT

L = length of time, in months, you have known the person you are dossing with

P = number of people who live in the house you will be dossing at (i.e. the number of people you are going to inconvenience by staying there)

DT = the total number of consecutive days it is acceptable for you to doss for

This equation is thrown out the window if you are related to the person you are dossing with. If they’re a direct relative, you can stay for as long as you like or threaten to bring up how “they kicked you onto the street” every year at Christmas.

The post Dossing rules: The simple and essential laws of London expat couch surfing appeared first on Australian Times News.

And then there’s Morocco. From the hustle and bustle of the souks of Marrakech to the magic that is the Sahara desert at sunset on the back of a camel, Morocco has a uniqueness that can blow the cobwebs from the minds of even the most seasoned traveller.

Marrakech is a-maze-ing
The medina of Marrakech is a hive of activity and although it borders on impossible to navigate the labyrinth of markets, part of the city’s charm is in wandering until you lose all orientation and then wandering some more. Djemaa el Fna (The Big Square) is one of the busiest squares in Africa and is filled with snake charmers, monkeys, henna tattooists and vendors selling freshly squeezed orange juice at less than a quarter of the price of a cup of coffee.

An afternoon can easily be lost wondering through the souks within the medina where you can buy anything from goat skin bags, hand carved chess boards as well as an assortment of spices. A tip for those looking to do some shopping, haggling is as important as the transaction itself, so the more time you spend haggling, the less you’ll have to spend in the end. Once you’ve finished your shopping for the day, kick back at any of the rooftop cafes and enjoy a glass of mint tea as the call to prayer echoes out across the city skyline.

Tea of life
The cuisine of Morocco can be summed in two words; couscous and tagine. The building blocks for any Moroccan menu, you can bet that any meal will include at least one of these items. Be aware that mint tea is the equivalent of a handshake in Morocco. Upon arriving at your hostel, hotel or riad (traditional guesthouse… highly recommended) a glass of mint tea is a traditional welcome and make sure you take note of the extravagant manner in which it is served and then laugh as you attempt to pour it yourself without incurring third degree burns.

Sunrise in the Sahara
A camel trek into the Sahara is an essential experience. While the developed regions such as Fez and Marrakech are popular tourist destinations, some time spent on the back of a camel in the company of a Berber (the nomadic people of Morocco) guide gives an idea of the origins of the Moroccan civilisation. And a night camping in a traditional Berber tent in the Sahara has to be one of the most isolated holiday experiences possible short of an Everest ascent. An arduous post dinner climb of a massive sand dune at the top of which you can stare out toward the Algerian border is the perfect way to cap off your evening in the desert (although running head first back down the steep dune safe in knowledge any landing will be cushioned by the Sahara sand will be enjoyed more than the climb by the thrill seeker). The morning ride back out of the desert might signal the end of the trek but on top of a camel in the middle of a desert is a pretty amazing place to watch the sunrise.

See the sea at Essaouira
Once back in Marrakech take a day trip to the coastal town of Essaouira, which is a little under three hours by bus from the ‘kech. If you do journey by bus, make sure you keep your eyes peeled for goats sitting in trees. As strange as it sounds, Moroccan goats are known to climb the Argan trees in search of fruit.

Essaouira’s walled town centre offers more markets to explore although unlike the inland cities, you have the option of dining out on some fresh seafood… as well as couscous and tagines. Make sure you take a walk along what could be one of the most unique beaches in the world as games of football are interrupted by seemingly out of control galloping horses and camels.

A cheeky Moroccan smile
With all the diversity that Morocco offers it’s the Moroccan people who complete the experience. Sure it feels like every time you turn around there is someone trying to sell you a ride on a camel, a fake pair of Ray Bans or simply asking for a couple of dirham simply because you’re a tourist and therefore should have some spare change. But it’s the cheeky grin that accompanies every request or offer and absence of any aggression that puts you at ease. Some basic Arabic or French will go a long way towards getting the most out your interaction with the locals but listen with appreciation as the vendors greet you in Spanish, French or English testing to see which language you respond to.

Whether it’s a coastal relaxation or a multi lingual day to day haggle battle with the souk stall owners, Morocco has an adventure to suit all tastes. And once the journey is over, you’ll remember what it’s like to have been truly blown away by a new culture.

The post The magic of Morocco appeared first on Australian Times News.

And with my departure imminent, I’ve had to clean out my cupboards both at work and home and make those difficult choices of what to keep and what to throw away.

I’ve also had to decide which arm and which leg to give up to pay for shipping my excess baggage back home. I’m astounded at the ability of humans to accumulate crap, it’s as though we’re scared that if we throw away that dog eared copy of The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo or the charger for our old mobile phone we might find ourselves in a position where we actually need that stuff.

So I had to steel myself with a ruthless resolve as I sorted through the rubbish I’ve acquired during my two year stint and make the tough decisions.

Things I’ve decided to make room for and bring back to Australia:

–          Snowboard + equipment: Cause nothing screams “awesome two year overseas adventure” like sporting equipment that you are never likely to use again in Australia.

–          Notebooks: My personal thoughts noted down throughout my adventures will surely be of value to future historians. They will marvel at the illegible handwriting and wonder why most of the journal entries begin with “Hungover again…”.

–          My Winter Coat: I’m never likely to actually need this item of clothing in Australia. Its thickness and insulation would have me sweating up a storm in even the coldest of Aussie winters. But it single-handedly got me through the winter of 2010 and my heart would have to be as cold as said winter to through it away.

Things I’ve decided to leave behind/throw out/put on Gum Tree:

(Please note if you see anything in this list you like the sound of, feel free to swing by the house and pick it up and save me the “extra refuse” charge.)

–          My guitar: I bought this with the intention of becoming a virtuoso in a two year period. I no longer have a need for it as I’m pretty sure that being able to play the first half of ‘More Than Words’ by Extreme classifies me as a virtuoso.

–          My tent: My portable home during my travels, the tent has seen almost as much of Europe as I have but it never quite recovered from that last trip to Spain and the endless Sangria fights.

–          My Oktoberfest jumper: Seemed like a good purchase at the time. In reality, when is an item of clothing bought from a man in a caravan ever a good idea?

–          The Heathrow Injection: Is this something I can declare at customs? I guarantee you it’s not going to fit in the overhead lockers and I’m not going to pay an excess baggage fee for it. Surely they won’t let me back into Australia with this. The smell of two years worth of Yorkshire puddings and beer will have a sniffer dog ominously sitting next to me before I even hit the tarmac.

Some possessions provide us with a memorable link to our experiences and adventures. Others provide us a reminder of how we could’ve afforded a few extra weekends away if we didn’t buy so much crap. But we can’t take any of it with us when we die (unless you’re one of those ancient rulers who likes to bury your stuff with you) so who really cares?

London, it’s time to say our goodbyes but unlike Rick Astley (below), I am gonna give you up (Puntastic #2)… for now.

The post Can I leave the Heathrow Injection at the departure gate? appeared first on Australian Times News.

10…Probably should set myself something tangible that I can measure by the end of the year. Have a better job? What does a better job mean? More money? More responsibility? Cause I don’t want more money if it means more responsibility. I want more money but less responsibility, what job is going to give me that?

9…Hold on, what about my friends and family? Shouldn’t I be resolving to do something for them as well? Crap, I struggle to buy them birthday and Christmas presents let alone resolve to do something for a whole year which will benefit them. What if I try and get all of them better jobs?

8…Maybe I should focus on me and just aim to be all that I can be… WAIT!!! That’s a bloody ad! Who’s ad was that? I think it was for the army wasn’t it? My New Year’s resolution can’t be an army recruitment slogan because I have zero intention of joining the army regardless of how much khaki brings out my eyes.

7…If I was going to go with an advertising slogan as a resolution it would be for something cooler than the army. “Just do it” – too corporate, “Yes we can” — too presidential, “Got Milk?” — too dairy. Okay lets move on from the slogans, these aren’t working.

6…Crap why am I worrying about this when in 5 seconds I’ve got to give someone a New Year’s kiss and at the moment I’m standing next to my male cousin and the family Labrador.

5…Ok, concentrate. It needs to be something broad but specific, selfless but personalised, measurable but all encompassing… World Peace?

4…Snap out of it, right New Year’s resolution for 2012…. Damn it I can’t get that bloody army song out of my head!

3…Awww bugger it, this is too bloody difficult… I’m just going to tell anyone who asks that I don’t have any New Year’s resolutions cause I live each day like its my last. Then everyone will know what a genuine dropkick I am.

2…Aha…I’ve got it

1…My 2012 New Year’s resolution is to evaluate my life so that I will have a clear defined resolution for 2013 and won’t have to waste the last ten seconds of the year having this ridiculous conversation in my head.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

What was your New Year’s resolution? Tell us below:

The post New Year’s resolution countdown appeared first on Australian Times News.

But one is both easily experienced and a truly English cultural experience, going to see a pantomime. For any Australian who does decide to experience a pantomime be warned that unless you grew up in the era before Johnny Young Talent Time was canned, you will be entering a strange yet wonderful world where the normal audience rules don’t apply.

So it was with cultural enlightenment in mind that I attended the production of Dick Whittington at the New Wimbledon Theatre. As well as cultural enlightenment, this particular pantomime also provided the chance to see one of Australian comedy’s most iconic performers Dame Edna Everage perform in the genre her character is perhaps most suited to.

As I discovered, there are a few key elements to any pantomimes;

• Audience interaction in the form of cheering, booing and well worn responses “He’s behind you” and “Oh no we don’t”
• Men in dresses playing female characters (known as Dames)
• A cast that includes some genuinely talent performers topped up by a big name, usually a soap star, which generally lowers the overall talent pool but increases ticket salesBrilliantly awful puns (the worst of which the actors may actually apologise for) and innuendo filled scripts (which ensures that the adults in attendance have something to laugh at while the kids enjoy the bright colours and movement)
• And historically, the lead male role is played by a female (usually wearing shorts that even AFL players would consider somewhat revealing). Supposedly this was enforced so that any Dad’s bringing their kids to the performance had something to keep them entertained.

What makes a pantomime performance so different from the theatre or a musical is the interplay between the audience and the performers. And the old hands of pantomime in the audience were switched on from the outset, immediately identifying and greeting the villain of the production with boos and hisses. While early in the show I was hesitant to join in shouting at the stage, a few red wines and the enthusiastic participation of the 80 year old woman sitting behind me made it clear that not joining in would be like. So by the end of the show, not only was I joining in, I had even gone so far as ad lib my own panto call. As it turns out, the panto community isn’t quite ready to include “That’s what she said” into the standard book of audience cheers.

With Dame Edna providing an antipodean edge to the show, I can safely recommend that attending a pantomime is a must do for any Australian this winter. However I would like to make one complaint, because for all the booing, sighing and cheering, not once did an opportunity arise to yell “HE’S BEHIND YOU!!!”.

The post Explaining pantomime for Australians in London appeared first on Australian Times News.

But there is one London experience that doesn’t sit well with me. Awkward, unnerving, discomforting and pressuring, this experience sits like the bathroom attendant of my London memories, uncomfortably shifting in the corner of my mind. The experience I write about is in fact – Bathroom Attendants. WHY DOES THIS JOB EVEN EXIST? I understand that there are a couple of youngsters struggling to find a job in the UK at the moment but let’s not create roles for the sake of it. The bathroom attendant job seems about as necessary as Nick Clegg’s (“a valiant yet misguided attempt at political satire by a silly colonial journalist” the critics will say).

For the life of me I can’t understand why some London bars and clubs decide that a Bathroom Attendant is a necessary member of staff.

“I wonder what we can do to make sure our punters really enjoy themselves at our venue..? I know, let’s employ somebody in a relatively small space that will awkwardly stand in the corner and offer towels and eau de toilet and make our customers feel self conscious about something they’ve managed to do hassle free all of their lives!”

If my parents had known that Bathroom Attendants were going to be so readily available in my future bathroom visits, I’m not sure they would’ve put as much effort into making me the fully toilet trained man that I am today. Ok, so I know that the attendants role isn’t so much to ensure I point Percy at the porcelain as it is to offer me a towel to dry my hands or recommend me a cologne which will drive the women folk crazy upon my return. But if the attendants provided a bill of fare actually displaying their services and a suggested tip for said services, I think my dislike for them would be far less intense.

What angers me is the guilt inducing look I’m given by attendants as I depart the bathroom, having successfully answered natures call without any of their assistance, having neither used the towel on offer nor “scented up” and consequently having not left a coin on their plate. The guilt is eating me up and I can’t seem to convince myself that I’ve done nothing wrong. I’ve now developed such a complex that even at home I spend 10 minutes post bathroom visit asking myself why I’m such a tight-arse.

But with necessity being the mother of invention, I’ve come up with a solution to my problem: The Wait & Run. This technique, if executed correctly, can result in a guilt inducing stare-free exit from any bathroom. It’s as simple as it is brilliant – wait until some other poor schmuck becomes the focus of the attendant’s attention… then run. For those of you thinking, but when do you wash your hands? Do yourself a favour and Google “hands free peeing”.

So with the Wait & Run at my disposal I will continue to pee for free and to quote legendary electro pop outfit Unique II: “Ain’t nothing gonna break my stride, nobody’s gonna slow me down, oh no, I got to keep on moving.” And if you’re reading this thinking that Bathroom Attendants aren’t unique to London, don’t let the truth get in the way of a moderately average story.

Read more of Liam’s Look On Life:

Rules to Doss By

Rolling the visa dice

Comparing the AFL to English football

London High Streets: A man’s shopping safe haven

The post Why do I have to pay to go to the bathroom? appeared first on Australian Times News.

Sadly most people only visit the ‘Venice of the north’ or ‘Vice City’ for the same stereotypical reasons, namely drugs and sex. While the Amsterdam tourist office may try to avoid trading on these two aspects, inevitably these are the driving forces behind many tourist visits and consequently the reason for money being spent in the local economy. Now, I’m not trying to begrudge anyone their obligatory drug fuelled, red light district wandering trip to ‘The Dam’, all I’m asking is that you make a return visit. Because it is only on a second visit that you may be ready to embrace a city that has so much more to offer than coffee shops and women in windows.

Walking is a large part of any European adventure and Amsterdam is truly one of the most enjoyable cities to simply wander around. Where it has an advantage over cities such as Barcelona and London is that due to its size and layout, you don’t need to be Christopher Columbus to navigate your way around. And even if you do manage to get lost, there’s always the pleasant distraction of walking alongside a canal till you find your bearings.

As far as tourist attractions go, it is the usual suspects which dominate most travel guides; The Van Gogh Museum, Anne Frank’s House (if you’ve only got time to visit one, make sure it’s this one) and the Heineken Brewery (only visit this if you’ve got nothing better to do with yourself for an hour and can’t find anything else to do with the 15 euro it will cost you to enter).

However, if you find yourself with no prior engagements, spend an afternoon walking around the Jordaan district. There is no better place to experience what the Dutch call, gezellig. With no direct translation, the word is used to describe something that is cosy, quaint or nice but can also be used when talking about time spent with friends and family or general togetherness. Brown cafe’s (the Amsterdam equivalent to an English pub) are spread throughout Jordaan and it’s not difficult to lose an afternoon shuffling from one cafe to another enjoying whatever food or drinks are on offer.

Native Amsterdamers are a stylish bunch with most looking as though they’ve stepped straight out of an upmarket clothing catalogue. And while they may not be as conscious of their appearance as the local French or Italian’s, they do carry themselves with a certain air that makes tourists stand out from the smartly dressed crowd. As a tourist, you may find yourself being met with some indifference by the locals but don’t mistake this for rudeness, the sheer amount of holiday traffic they encounter means they just don’t care either way.

So if you’re someone who is yet to visit the ‘Damage’, get there soon. Wander the red light district blazed out of your head and stumble into the stoner cafes to stuff your face with waffles and mayo covered chips. Once you’ve done this (and given yourself sufficient time to recover), book a flight back and go and visit one of the most easy going cities in Europe.

The post Amsterdam: Behind the stereotyped curtain appeared first on Australian Times News.

TRAVELLING teaches you to expect the unexpected. When you travel for an extended period of time, this becomes a sort of sixth sense. You aren’t surprised when you discover that the hostel you had booked into is actually closed down. It doesn’t bother you one little bit when you find that the seat you booked on the ferry is actually a crowded spot on the floor of the lower most deck. These experiences count for little more than a funny story to write in your journal or recount to a fellow traveller over a beer.

But when you stop travelling and step back into the routine of everyday life, you reacquaint yourself with a certain level of expectation. You expect that regardless of location, you’ll be able to source some transport. You expect that if the weather forecast is for clear skies and mid range temperatures, you’ll get clear skies and mid range temperatures. Your routine robs you of your traveller’s edge.

And it was without my traveller’s edge that I arrogantly left the planning of my long weekend in France till the last minute. Heading to the south-west French town of Hossegor for the Quiksilver Pro France ASP surfing event, aside from having our flights booked in and out of Biarritz, we didn’t have much organised. We figured transport to and from an international surfing event would be simple enough and having briefly glanced at a map we assumed that finding somewhere to camp shouldn’t be too arduous. Just before flying out of Stansted Airport on the Friday morning, I thought I should probably book into one of the campsites on the off chance they didn’t take arrivals after a certain time.

Campsite #1

“Sorry sir, we are full because of the surfing contest.”

“No, but we only have a small tent.”

“I understand that sir but we have no room because of the surfing contest.”

Shit.

Campsite #2

“Sorry sir, we are close at the end of summer.”

“But aren’t you open when the surf contest is on?”

“No sir, we close at the end of summer.”

Double Shit.

Campsite #3

“Yes we have space for tents.”

“Great, can I please make a booking?”

“You don’t need to worry about making a booking, we have plenty of space.” (The reason for this would become apparent later).

With accommodation sorted, we caught a bus from Biarritz and arrived in Hossegor. The contest had been called off because of poor conditions but we figured we would set up our tent and see what the town had to offer at night. Getting off the bus and looking around it became obvious that we had no idea where we were. No biggie, let’s just ask one of the locals the best way to get to our campsite.

“Excuse me sir, how do I get to Les Deux Etangs campsite.”

“Les Deux Etangs?”

“Yes.”

“Oh, that’s very far away, you can’t walk there from here.”

“Is there a bus?”

“No.”

Shit.

Thankfully a very friendly gentleman (Hitchhike #1) then gave us the first of what would turn out to be many lifts we would receive over the coming weekend. Infinitely grateful to this complete stranger, we quickly realised why our campsite didn’t require a booking… it was in the middle of a bloody national park. And after the woman at reception explained that taxis were very expensive and she didn’t think any bus came out this far, it was clear that no one in their right mind would camp there without their own transport. So we set up camp and after getting a lift into town (Hitchhike #2) for some food we turned around and trudged the 10 or so kilometers back to the campsite. While the poor accommodation had been entirely my fault, the fact that we would be sleeping fully dressed for warmth due to inadequate bedding was definitely on my girlfriends head.

So waking the next morning, tired, grumpy and cold, we had shown some foresight and arranged for a taxi to pick us up to take us to the beach nice and early so we would get a full day of watching the contest. 30 Euros later and the contest was again called off due to less than ideal conditions.

Shit.

Never the less we spent the day enjoying being on a beach and exploring the French cuisine and culture of Hossegor. It was only around lunch time that we realised we had only booked into the campsite for one night. After a quick phone call we organised to stay an extra night, but we would have to go back to pay before 6pm. So we started walking. And walking. And walking. Two hours later and standing in the middle of nowhere, our saviour arrived with his big blue van (Hitchhike #3) and dropped us off back at our campsite. We paid for the extra night and started heading back into town, the return journey made quicker by some fellow campers giving us a lift (Hitchhike #4).

While the surfing may have been cancelled, the Saturday night party had not. Enjoying the music, the crowds and the atmosphere we expected from an international event, our accommodation and transport troubles were forgotten… briefly. With the party winding down we decided to call it a night, well we would’ve called it a night, if we had known how we were going to get back to our campsite. Some frantic running around, a few tears and another kindly local (Hitchhike #5) and we were back to our tent, rattled but overall ok.

Knowing that we needed to catch the early bus to get back into Biarritz in time for our flight, we were up before the sun. Tent all packed, we headed to the road. No sooner had we started the trek to town than a car pulled over and surprisingly enough, the driver got out and asked us for directions. By this stage we had walked the streets of Hossegor more than the local cats so we actually knew the place the driver was looking for. Appreciative of our assistance he offered us a lift (Hitchhike #6). Unfortunately he smelt like he spent the night swimming in a pool of the finest French brandy and before I knew it, I was behind the wheel of the friendly Frenchman’s hatchback.

Leaving our new French friend to sleep off the night before in the passenger seat of his own car down a side street, we headed to the bus stop. As we sat down, surprised at being the only ones waiting for the first bus of the day, I summoned my high school French and attempted to translate the bus timetable. I knew that ‘Sunday’ in French was Dimanche… Shit!

So it turns out there are no buses in France on Dimanche. But then it came round the corner like a glorious gift from above, a bus, and it stopped!

“Is this bus going to Biarritz?”

“No.”

Shit.

Thankfully the bus driver decided she would take us to the next town (Hitchhike #7) and drop us off at a car rental place. Unfortunately we would have to put down a deposit of 730 Euros in order to rent the car. So we started walking, all the while aware that our flight departure time was drawing ever nearer. With a makeshift sign and our combined hopes and dreams we continued on down the road. Then our Kia driving guardian angels (Hitchhike #8) appeared. With generosity beyond comprehension they drove us the remaining 65km or so to Biarritz, with time to spare before our flight.

And so arriving back in London having spent little to no time actually watching surfing and far too much time with our thumbs out asking people for lifts, our French getaway was best classified as an experience. But on the bright side, I had at least slightly restored my traveller’s edge.

Warning: Hitchhiking can be risky and dangerous and you do so at your own risk

The post Hitchhikers guide to the south-west of France appeared first on Australian Times News.

Rule 1: If you’re carrying an umbrella, it is your responsibility to manoeuvre it so that anybody not carrying an umbrella is able to continue walking without you poking their eye out.

Rule 2: The bigger your brolly the greater the responsibility to move it out of the way.

Rule 3: If you’re carrying an umbrella, you forfeit the right to walk under cover. Respite provided by an awning, building doorway or bus shelter is strictly reserved for those without an umbrella… Stay the hell out!

Rule 4: If you are carrying a golf umbrella that could shelter a small country, you are morally obliged to offer shelter to anybody walking in the same direction without an umbrella until you or they change direction.

Rule 5: Twirling your umbrella so that it splashes rain on other pedestrians is frowned upon unless it splashes on one of your mates or a New Zealander.

Rule 6: If you are carrying a clear umbrella that sits over your head like a helmet, you are an idiot.

Rule 7: If your umbrella gets blown inside out, you are legally required to make a fool of yourself by attempting to bend it back the right way knowing full well that the structural integrity of your umbrella is now ruined and will never work properly again.

Rule 8: When you finally make it to your destination, close your umbrella before you enter and shake off the excess water. People who walk into a building with their umbrella still open and then proceed to get water everywhere are the lowlifes of society, only above Collingwood supporters.

The footpaths of London are a manic place at the best of times and water falling from the sky only makes them more difficult. If we all follow these simple rules, the difficult London winter will become slightly more bearable.

The post Umbrella etiquette – because the rain affects us all appeared first on Australian Times News.

AFTER only a very brief phone conversation, LIAM FLANAGAN found out why Hannah Gadsby has quickly become one of Australia’s most successful comedians. Having started her comedy career at the relatively late age of 27, Gadsby has gone on to perform sold out shows at festivals across Australia and overseas, picking up awards and rave reviews along the way. Even over the phone, the laconic humour and droll delivery that has made Gadsby a favourite among audiences, is evident and hard not to … well, chuckle at.

Hi Hannah or should I call you Mrs Chuckles!? How are you? What have you been up to?
I’m good; I’m waiting for my sink to be fixed. How are you?

Good thanks. You’re from Smithton in Tasmania originally. Did you know that on Smithton’s Wikipedia page you are the only “Notable Smithtonian” listed?
I didn’t know that, it’s not really the same as being someone “notable” from Cambridge though is it.

You’ve been performing in the UK, what’s the response from UK audiences been like?
It’s been good; sometimes you meet some interesting crowds, especially up north. The difference in the UK is there’s enough of an audience. People over here say “What should we do tonight? Let’s go and watch some comedy”. It’s a hobby for people to watch comedy in the UK so there’s an industry around it. Where as in Australia there isn’t the same sort of population so it can’t quite support the same level of comedy.

You won RAW Comedy at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival in 2006, do you think that sort of competition translates into future success?
I found it enormously helpful. I was 27 at the time so I’d had plenty of shit jobs by then and if I had started (doing comedy) in pubs and clubs I probably would’ve lost interest. Pubs & clubs aren’t nice to perform in sometimes and if it had been just another shit job I would have given up. So it was nice to perform to an audience who were friendly and supportive. Six months later I was performing in pubs and clubs but by then I’d been bitten by the bug so it didn’t matter.

You had a regular spot on Adam Hills in Gordon St Tonight, what was it like to work on the show?
It was an absolute gift. You can’t ask for a better introduction to TV than to work on a show like that and AdamHills is such a generous performer. We didn’t really know what my role was, they just sort of asked “Do you want to sit in the corner and be a smart arse?” and I said yes so I literally was just sitting in a corner.

Is there going to be a second series?
I don’t know for sure yet but they’d be mad not to!

And you’re writing a book at the moment?
Yeah, I’m not a tidy person but my house has never been so clean. The book is a thinly veiled memoir but based on my medical history. I’ve had an interesting medical history, a lot of accidents. I’ve slipped on chicken fat and had to have a full knee reconstruction, I’ve been hit by five cars, and I’ve been concussed by a swooping magpie.

So what does 2012 hold for Hannah Gadsby?
That’s next year right? Well hopefully I’ll have a book out, some new live shows in Australia, another series of Gordon St but leave it open otherwise.

Hannah Gadsby is performing a short run of her latest comedic offering, Mrs Chuckles, at the Soho Theatre Upstairs, 8pm, from 16-19 November.

WIN tickets to Hannah’s hilarious show

The post “Do you want to sit in the corner and be a smart arse?” appeared first on Australian Times News.

FOR director Justin Kurzel, the decision to source local talent for his debut feature film Snowtown was a risky one. Enter local lad and first time actor Lucas Pittaway who plays the central character of Jamie Vlassakis. With the acclaimed film screening at this year’s London Film Festival, LIAM FLANAGAN sat down with the two men and despite both looking like they could’ve done with an afternoon off promoting the film, they quickly warmed into the discussion.

How are you guys doing?
Lucas – Feeling a little bit jet lagged, I’ve been in France and England for a week now. I’m enjoying my time here though, I went to Abbey Road the other day and did the tourist thing, got the obligatory tourist photo crossing the road.
Justin – Yeah I’m pretty tired, the screenings have gone really well and I’m sort of ready to go home now.

What was it about the Snowtown murders that made you want to make the film?
Justin – I think it was the relationship between John and Jamie, a kid finding a father figure in a guy like John Bunting, that I think was incredibly unique and I hadn’t heard about when the murders first came out. When the guys were arrested the initial reports were pretty sensationalised, with quotes about “Bodies in the Barrels”. They focused more on the macabre. I think the relationship and the dynamic within the group, in particular the community and the state that it was in, didn’t really come out in the initial coverage so that’s what intrigued me.

The film deals with some pretty intense themes. Lucas, how was it for you as a first time actor having to go through some of those scenes.
Lucas — Exhausting! At the end of every day I was just so glad to sit down. And at the start of most days as well I’d ask Justin ‘Okay Justin what scenes are up today?, Oh okay (sighs)’. But it was great going through the emotions and it helped me open up myself and I was really proud of myself that I achieved that and that it’s now on film forever

Based on the performances by all the cast but especially Lucas and Daniel Henshall (John Bunting), would it seem that the decision to use local actors has been vindicated?
Justin – I think the film’s pretty authentic, I think you watch the film and you go “whoa that film is pretty real and authentic” and I think you believe in it quicker than if you had a whole lot of known actors in it that had certain baggage. A profiled actor probably would’ve gone against the nature of the film. So it was pretty scary, I’d never worked with first time actors. I didn’t really have a method or knew what I was doing, so a lot of it was instinct. I felt relieved when I got into the edit, or even when I was on set I could tell that it was working and these guys were just bringing it every single day. Now I’m just proud really, the thing I’m probably most proud of in the film are the performances of these guys, some of them in their first film ever.

How did your casting come about?
Lucas — I was at the shopping centre and saw this lady talking to my brother and I just thought, ‘who’s this lady talking to my brother?’. So I went over and they said they were interviewing people about what it’s like to live in the area, so I gave them an interview. Then they told me that they were making a film about the Snowtown murders. I didn’t even know about the Snowtown murders, so I had to research and find out a bit more about the murders. Before hand I only knew the term ‘Bodies in the Barrels’. So they asked me for an audition and I walked into this room and there was Dan (John Bunting) sitting across from me, I didn’t know this guy at all. Justin just said to me, be yourself, act naturally, don’t try to act, they didn’t give me any lines, they just wanted to see how I respond to Dan. So I went through that scene and they liked it, I went through another couple of scenes and three or four days of shooting going through a range of different emotions. Eventually the investors approved so I said ‘yep, I love to do that’.

And what were you doing before you were cast?
I’d dropped out of high school and was planning on joining the army. Obviously I’m not in the army now so life’s a bit different, in a good way.

So what do your mates think of “Lucas Pittaway about to join the army” becoming “Lucas Pittaway leading actor”?
My friends love it when we go out to town cause it helps with the girls. I’m not barraged by people but within 10 or 15 minutes of being at a place somebody comes up and recognises me. I was at a karaoke bar a couple of weeks ago and one guy recognised me and told everyone in the bar and everyone was cheering for me after my song. I don’t know if it was because I was in the movie or because of my singing… I hope it was because of my singing.

The Snowtown case is a unique Australian story and the film is a terrific Australian production. What sort of state do you think the Australian Film Industry is in at the moment?
Justin – I think there is a very good group of voices coming through. From Samson & Delilah, Animal Kingdom to another Australian film called Hail, which just played at the Venice Film Festival. I think they’re a group of filmmakers who were making shorts five or six years ago that were really uncompromising interesting films. I think they’re now at the stage where they’ve just made or are just about to make their first features and they still have that quite uncompromising voice in them. So I think we’re in a really interesting time and some really distinct films are being made. They’re also seems to be a lot more dialogue going on between the film makers, it’s a bit less competitive and much more collaborative and we’re genuinely interested in each other’s work. So it’s going through a really healthy phase creatively.

And what’s next for you both?
Justin – I’m just reading lots of scripts at the moment.
Lucas – When I get back to Australia I’ve got a couple of exciting auditions that I’d love to pour my heart and soul into but looking forward to getting back to Adelaide.

Snowtown opens in London cinemas, 18 November.

The post Snowtown film a source of pride for Kurzel and Pittaway appeared first on Australian Times News.

ANY Australian who has endured a London winter knows that as the days get shorter and the temperature drops, the likelihood of getting sick goes through the roof (at the time of writing I have left my supporting statistics in my other pair of pants so just take my word for it). The flu isn’t specific to London or the UK for that matter, it affects people (not forgetting birds and pigs) the world over. But for some reason the flu takes to London winter like a duck to water.

In particular, working in an office in London during winter is as good as walking up and planting a kiss on the flu itself. Not only do office air conditioners seem to recycle illness like your dad does bad jokes but for some reason no one in the English capital seems prepared to take a sick day. Every day, another person trudges up the stairs hacking and coughing the whole way only to sit down and expect sympathy from those around them. Seeing you sitting there, nose running, sniffling and sneezing breeds only contempt in me. No one’s job is that important that they should risk infecting their colleagues rather than miss a day of work. The only exception to this rule may be doctors… and if watching Hugh Laurie in House has taught me anything (and it has) it’s that even doctors allow themselves sick days.

Contagious diseases such as influenza cost business’ millions of pounds every year (again, supporting statistics have gone missing at this point). And while “taking a sickie” might be thought of as an Australian tradition and certain culprits might not always be on their death bed (you know who you are), a sick day when taken for the right reasons should be viewed positively in the work place. It’s certainly better than sitting and admiring the strength of someone able to drag themselves to work despite the fact they are sitting in a pile of tissues that have accumulated during the morning. If this trend of sick people coming to work continues I’m going to start a new Australian tradition for Aussies working in the UK, the ‘everyone else is bloody sick day so I’m staying home’ day.

With all that said and done, if you are reading this, and at any stage during the impending London winter feel the slightest of sniffles, do yourself and your colleagues a favor… STAY HOME!

The post Public Announcement: Please chuck a sickie! appeared first on Australian Times News.

WITH the Edinburgh Fringe Festival 2011 fading into memory, it still remains the Mecca for any performer and it takes a great show to sell out a venue at the legendary festival. But it takes a uniquely popular show to not only sell out a venue but to come back the following year with the exact same show, upgrade to a larger venue and still be turning away disappointed fans unable to get tickets. That’s exactly what The Boy With Tape On His Face did this year.

“It was a wee bit scary because we were doing a return season of the same show from last year and it was sort of like ‘We’re back… with the same show!’ Last year it was 120 seater at the Guilded Balloon and this year we upgraded to a 350 seater so there was a little bit of panic,” The Boy With Tape On His Face told Australian Times.

The man behind the tape is Sam Wills, a 32 year old New Zealander who has been performing since he began as an apprentice clown when he was 13. With years of street performing, as well as a diploma in New Circus from the Christchurch Polytechnic Institute of Technology which is stored proudly “in a suitcase in my parents garage”, Wills’ latest incarnation as The Boy is proving a success.

“I’ve been doing it (The Boy With Tape On His Face) seriously for three and a half years. It came about because I was bored doing the other shows. So I created this character and developed a five minute show and it’s essentially clowning. So I don’t have to worry about topical references or any sort of political themes, it’s just me going ‘right what’s a subject matter that everyone can relate to and how can I find a gag for it’. So I’ll keep doing this until I get bored and then I’ll do something else. Probably open a book shop!”

The show itself is described as “mime with noise; stand-up with no talking; drama with no acting” and it’s this combination that is winning over audiences at every performance. With a show almost entirely reliant on audience involvement, Wills is all too aware of the delicate relationship between the performer and the crowd.

“Being a street performer I’m really respectful of my audience and I’ve seen so many shows where other comedians are just cruel to the audience but in my show, without the audience I’ve got no show. I try and create an environment where people want to be up on stage and when they leave the stage, it’s to a huge round of applause as the hero of the bit. At the end if people leave my show going ‘awww I wish he picked me’ then that’s a good show.”

And the good shows keep on coming for Wills who recently performed as The Boy at the first ever Comedy Proms at the Royal Albert Hall.

“It was an amazing experience. Such an amazing venue, and I’m standing there on stage with an entire orchestra behind me, shaking two horse heads and all I can think to myself is ‘What am I doing with my life’. But it’s definitely up there in my top five gigs.”

As a proud Kiwi who goes back once a year, is there any link between The Boy and Australia?

“I get the tape from Australia. I ship the tape fromAustraliato my parents inNew Zealandand they send it to me over here in London.”

And when he takes the tape off?

“No one recognises me. Pop on some glasses and I’m like the opposite to Clark Kent.”

The Boy With Tape On His Face plays London’s Comedy Store 27-29 Nov. For more details, check out TheBoyWithTapeOnHisFace.com

The post The man behind the tape appeared first on Australian Times News.

IT was the story that painted South Australia as the serial killer capital of Australia and made a small country town a tourist attraction for all the wrong reasons. The “bodies in the barrels” case was seemingly tailor-made to be portrayed as a Saw style horror film on the big screen and yet first time feature director Justin Kurzel has taken a different path.

The film revolves around Jamie, played by first time actor Lucas Pittaway, a 16 year old living in the northern suburbs of Adelaide who seems rudderless amongst the trauma surrounding him. Direction arrives in the shape of charismatic John (Daniel Henshall). Initially taking on the role of protector of Jamie and his family, John quickly takes on a father figure role, introducing Jamie to his unique ideology and his like minded friends over who he holds court.

As soon as Jamie begins to rely on John for guidance, the true nature and willingness of John to put his own words into action are revealed. Henshall’s portrayal of Australia’s most notorious serial killer, Bunting, is a sinister and compelling performance emphasised by the innocence and naivety Jamie begins with but progressively loses throughout the film.

The dark nature of the film is enhanced by its haunting score and the ominous feeling is introduced from the opening sequence as Jamie narrates a recurring vivid dream which proves to be mild in its imagery compared to the experiences that await him. The prolonged intensity of the film makes for some difficult viewing at times with this viewer walking out completely drained of energy due to the emotional demands of watching.

Snowtown is a terrific piece of Australian cinema screened as part of the London Film Festival and will be released in the UK on 18 November, 2011.

The post Snowtown: a grizzly but awesome Aussie film appeared first on Australian Times News.

FOR all the aforementioned reasons and many more, a trip to Dublin, whether it’s a boozy weekend with the lads or a longer stint exploring more than just the Irish pubs, is a rite of passage for every Australian.

The good thing is a weekend in Dubs doesn’t need to be planned months in advance as several different airlines offer regular inexpensive flights to Ireland’s capital all year round.

With the Emerald Isle only a short flight from London, you can arrive in Dublin straight from work on a Friday evening and be three Guinness’ deep before customs have finished stamping your passport. While the proximity of the city is a definite positive, the one thing that can let down a weekend getaway is accommodation. If you’re staying too far away from the city’s attractions or nightlife, you can spend a fortune on transport. If you’re staying too close to the pubs and clubs, you might find your inability to get any sleep leaves you too tired to enjoy yourself in the daylight hours.

I stayed in the Generator Hostel Dublin, which is perfectly positioned to avoid both of these scenarios. Located on Smithfield Square directly next to the Old Jameson Distillery and within walking distance to the infamous Temple Bar ‘nightlife’ district, the hostel has over 500 beds so even if your decision to visit Dublin is last minute, chances are the Generator will still be able to accommodate you. The big danger of staying at the Generator Hostel is that you may not want to leave. The rooms are on par with what you would expect of a standard hostel but it is the communal areas where Generator separates itself from the pack. Games area… check, outdoor area… check, pool tables… check, free wifi… check, bar that better resembles a nightclub… check. But the crowning glory is The Sleepover Room decked out with comfy beds, projector screen and popcorn machine.

If you do manage to make it out of the hostel there are a few must do’s on the sightseeing list and for those who might only have a weekend to spare, below are the essentials:

The Guinness Storehouse: Ireland’s Number One Visitor Attraction and the home of the black stuff since 1759. A visit will teach you everything you need to know about the world famous beer, and a pint of Guinness at the end of the tour is complimentary and should be compulsory.

Jameson’s Distillery: Follow the path through malting, milling, mashing, fermenting, distilling and maturity of the whiskey declared the number one whiskey in the world. Funnily enough the distillery tour is not recommended for children.

Dublin Castle: Situated right in the heart of historic Dublin, the Castle stands on the ridge at the strategic junction of the River Liffey and its tributary the Poddle.

Temple Bar: If you’re looking to kick on after your Guinness or Jameson’s tour there really is only one option. The Old City area of Temple Bar is the place to visit for everything from high quality fashion, footwear, furniture, food, culture and… oh yeah a few more pints of Guinness.

One challenge you hear a lot of people setting for themselves when visiting a new city is to get to know ‘the locals’. In Dublin, you don’t have a choice. The Irish are among some of the friendliest and chattiest people you will be lucky enough to share a cab, pint or bathroom with. So even if you decide to visit Dublin solo, head to a bar and before you know it you’ll have been adopted by a couple of locals who’ll take great pride in showing off their new ‘Aussie mate’.

Check out the Generator Hostel Dublin at GeneratorHostels.com

The post Every Aussie needs a Dublin weekender appeared first on Australian Times News.

FOR a man who is at his most comfortable in the water, performing on a floating barge on the Thames was probably as close to his natural habitat as Mat. McHugh could find for a gig in London. Wednesday night’s sold out show at Tamesis Dock was an opportunity for McHugh to introduce himself and his new EP Go Dont’ Stop to his London, largely Australian, fan base.

Support act Matthew P, a curious combination of a surf inspired singer songwriter from Suffolk, provided a perfect lead in to the main act. His simple folk tunes were what you might expect if Luke Pritchard (lead singer of The Kooks) were left on a beach with a guitar, some basic percussion and a trumpet. The honky tonk infused ‘Rolling O’n was the highlight of his set and a tune to keep your ears open for.

Seeing McHugh step onto the stage without a band behind him was an exciting prospect and McHugh quickly introduced the crowd to his solo repertoire, playing all four tracks from the new EP in the first five songs. ‘Go Don’t Stop’, the title track, was the most musically inventive of McHugh’s new tunes and received the warmest response from an audience perhaps more familiar with McHugh’s songs penned with The Beautiful Girls.

McHugh’s solution for the absence of a band behind him was the use of recording and looping throughout the gig. While this technique gave the songs a bigger sound than they might have had with just McHugh and a guitar, a few fumbles here and there might have left a less patient crowd wishing it had been an ensemble performance instead.

The off speed, Dylan-esque ‘A Packet Full Of Shells’ hinted at a possible future direction for McHugh’s music but sublime cover’s ‘Guava Jelly’ and ‘Everyday I Love Her Just A Little Bit More’ left the crowd ready to groove into the second half of the set.

With the previously seated crowd now on their feet and dancing, McHugh launched into some TBG classics. ‘Long Way Home’ and ‘Blackbird’ got the sing along side of the gig started and McHugh’s beat-boxing solo end to ‘Music’ was a highlight. Ending with ‘Periscopes’, the song that seemingly started it all for McHugh way back when, provided a perfect ending to the show.

The post Mat. McHugh holds his own in London appeared first on Australian Times News.

HAVING spent the last ten years as the driving force behind Australian roots band The Beautiful Girls, Mat. McHugh is now ready to step out from behind his group moniker.

“My confidence now compared with ten years ago is completely different. At the moment I’m probably touring harder than I ever have before and what these shows are really all about is introducing myself as me instead of The Beautiful Girls.” As if to make his point, McHugh drops in that he’s actually calling from France, part of his epic round the world tour.

“It’s been almost a full year on tour as a solo artist. It started with supporting John Butler back in November last year and I won’t get back toAustraliatill October so it will be almost 12 months.”

It was his time spent touring with Butler last year that provided McHugh with the final piece of inspiration to strike out on his own. Despite his easy on stage persona and ability to pen a tune, music was never a serious ambition for McHugh.

“I had no intentions of being a musician and I probably didn’t want to be. I just wanted to hook up with this girl who’d invited me to an open mike night down at Bondi but I didn’t want to get up there and perform under my own name so I put a band [The Beautiful Girls] together.”

From such humble beginnings, McHugh quickly became a favourite on the Australian blues and roots scene with The Beautiful Girls. But what does his solo career mean for the band?

“It kind of means it’s over but at the same time it’s not. Because it’s the same thing now just under a different name. Basically if you like The Beautiful Girls you’ll like my shows cause it’s basically the same thing.”

While McHugh might not have aspired to a career in music, growing up on the Northern Beaches of Sydney did instill him with a passion for surfing and the ocean and McHugh is still at his most comfortable in the water.

“When I tour I like to try and stick to the coast because I like to be as close to the water as possible and obviously I surf where I can. It’s nice cause people who come to the shows are usually surfers or skateboarders and I can just borrow someone’s board or grab one of my boards and go for a surf. I’m feeling pretty beat up at the moment after spending a bit of time surfing in the south west of France. ”

But even with the nearest surf break a solid drive away, McHugh is still up beat about his upcoming performance in London.

“It’s been years since I’ve played in London. The Beautiful Girls played there a few years ago but you know, London’s London and it’s a pretty happening city so I’m looking forward to it.”

His show at Tameis Dock on London’s Embankment, part of the Seaweed Sessions, is a sold out success and Mat’s EP ‘Go Don’t Stop’, available now, is looking at going the same way. Watch below.

Go Don’t Stop, Mat McHugh from Claire Gorman on Vimeo.

The post Introducing Mat. McHugh appeared first on Australian Times News.

Over the years men have charged head first into many battles without fear of death or failure. Bravely tackling anything that dares to stand in between them and their objective, men care not for consequences, seeking out their target with reckless abandon and steely determination. In short there is no goal a man cannot achieve… unless that goal involves shopping for clothes.

What is it about being approached by a salesperson in a clothing store that turns men into spineless whimpering children?

Shop assistant: “Can I help you with anything?”

Man: “No, no, no, I’m just looking” (before quickly turning around and running out of the shop).

An Australian man’s fear of clothes shopping is never more evident then when entering one of these “male boutiques” in which the average male feels about as comfortable as English batsmen facing Shane Warne on a spin friendly pitch.

There is a reason these shops always seem so empty, men are petrified of going in.

The personalised nature of these stores is what makes men most nervous. For many men, one of the most difficult sentences to say is “I don’t know” which makes shopping for clothes one of the scariest activities man can engage in. For every item of clothing we intend on purchasing we are likely to have to reveal our ignorance several times in one form or another.

Shop assistant: “What are you looking for today?”

Man: “Umm, I don’t really know, sort of just browsing?”

Shop assistant: “Are you buying something for a specific occasion?”

Man: “Maybe, I’ve got this event coming up but I don’t know what the dress code is.”

Shop assistant: “What size are you?”

Man: “I don’t know (said trying to look at the tag on the shirt he’s wearing).”

Australian Men can handle talking one on one with a salesperson if they’re selling us something we understand. Someone selling us a car, sporting goods, some hardware or your local butcher telling you about today’s special cut is the sort of shopping banter we enjoy. If an attractive female, or worse, a well groomed, suited and booted bloke begins talking to us about haute couture, hem lines and this season’s must have espadrilles, all bets are off.

But in London, thanks to stores like Topshop, H&M and Next, Australian men can shop without fear of being intimidated by their lack of fashion knowledge. With a hardware store styled layout, these shops allow us men to find the section we want, find the product we want, try it on (if we’re feeling adventurous), pay for the item and exit before the panic attack kicks in. With salespeople who are merely there to process the purchase or hand us a number in case we forget how many items we’ve taken into the change room, there is limited chance of humiliation at the hands of a fashionista salesperson.

And if you’re reading this thinking, “but sales assistants provide a useful service; what if you take it home and it doesn’t fit properly or it doesn’t match the rest of your wardrobe?” then you are probably a lady. And even if it doesn’t fit properly, then we’ve just snagged a brand new addition to our “painting/mowing the lawn/jogging” clothing range and if it doesn’t match your wardrobe, well you shouldn’t try and match your clothes to a piece of furniture anyway. That’s just silly.

The post London high streets: A man’s shopping safe haven appeared first on Australian Times News.

IT’S been over 30 years since Paul Kelly first performed publicly in a folk club in Hobart. Since then he has released 17 studio albums, won countless awards, been inducted into the ARIA Hall of Fame and left an indelible mark on the Australian music landscape.

Currently touring on the back of his self proclaimed “mongrel memoir” How to Make Gravy, Kelly is looking forward to getting back to what he does best.

“I really enjoyed it (writing the book), but I just want to get back to songs again. I’ve missed that. There’s been a bit of a halt on the song writing while I wrote the book which took two and half years to write and we’ve been doing shows since then. I’ve started writing songs again so I just want to make another record.”

The thought of Kelly re-entering the studio is a mouth watering one for his legion of fans who have ensured the success of his current A-Z shows. The unique format sees Kelly playing 100 songs from his back catalogue in alphabetical order. Having come up with the idea back in 2004, the concept has developed over the last eight years.

“It started off as what I thought might be a one off event. After I did the first season, I realised it’s just a new way to play shows. It’s a way to keep in touch with a whole lot of songs. Often when you go out and tour you tend to play the same sort of songs over and over again.”

The A-Z shows also allow Kelly to share chapters from his book with the audience which, for a man who doesn’t consider himself to be a “natural raconteur” on stage, is still quite confronting.

“It’s practise – you get better. That’s how the book started. When I was doing these shows I wrote myself a script and so once I had a script I thought ‘I could expand this and it could be a book’. If I was just someone who could naturally talk, I probably wouldn’t have written a book.”

Currently performing as a solo artist, Kelly has graced the stage under many different guises over the last 30 years and is content in his current set up.

“I think it’s a matter of balance, I love playing with a band but it’s a different thing. I like being able to move back and forth between solo or with a band. You get pretty sick of yourself playing solo but when you’re playing with a band all the time; you want the freedom of just doing it yourself. So I like to mix it up. I’ve done a lot of shows over the last four or five years just as a duo playing with my nephew Dan Kelly. Dan has played a lot of the A-Z shows and of all the musicians I’ve played with, he knows the biggest repertoire of my songs. When he started to learn guitar he learnt Steve Conley’s (original guitarist with The Messengers) parts off my early records. He knows some of my earlier songs better than I do.”

The accolades Kelly has accumulated over the years are proof enough of his standing within the music industry yet Kelly is reluctant to acknowledge the impact and influence he has had on other Australian artists.

“I think people are influenced by what’s gone before. When I learnt how to play songs, you fall in love with other people’s songs and you learn them and you start to write your own.  I’ve always picked up from other people so it’s natural that people would pick up from me as well.”

Did you go to Paul Kelly’s gigs in London? Check out the photos or read the reviews below:

A-Z of Paul Kelly, live @ Bush Hall (Part 1)

A-Z of Paul Kelly, live @ Bush Hall (Part 2) 

A-Z of Paul Kelly, live @ Bush Hall (Part 3)

A-Z of Paul Kelly, live @ Bush Hall (Part 4)

Just announced: Paul Kelly @ Union Chapel, London on 3 February 2012 – proudly presented by Australian Times.

Enter: Competition to win the complete Paul Kelly A-Z Box Set

The post New songs on the horizon for Paul Kelly appeared first on Australian Times News.

Bush Hall, London. 1 September 2011

REVIEW: L – S

Despite being filled with some of Paul Kelly’s lesser known songs, the “dark, weird and difficult night three” as described by Kelly himself was not without highlights.

Opening the show with “Love Never Runs On Time”, Kelly immediately got the crowd on side with what would turn out to be the most well known of the night three songs.

The crowd were treated to a family event with Paul performing most of his songs during the evening with his superbly talented nephew Dan Kelly. A pleasant surprise was when Paul allowed his vocal ability to step out from behind his musicianship performing “Meet Me In The Middle Of The Air” a cappella.

The performance of the Paul Kelly and the Messengers classic “No You” allowed Dan Kelly to illustrate what he adds to these performances as he breathed new life into his uncle’s classic with progressive guitar licks and more than capable harmonies.

The second half of the show saw Kelly provide greater detail and background to many of the songs he played; perhaps sensing the disappointment of the crowd that they wouldn’t be hearing any of Kelly’s better known songs.

The highlight of the performance came late in the night as the crowd became part of the band, responsible for the whistling section of the chorus for “Shane Warne”. Kelly’s ability to capture everything about Australia and it’s icons in his songs was never better represented than during the ode to the country’s greatest spin bowler.

Overall, night three of the A-Z shows is probably best viewed as a learning experience. A night that allowed Kelly to perform some of his lesser known back catalogue and give the audience a taste of the songs that didn’t reach the peaks of the charts.

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