In London it can feel fun and exciting in early December as the Christmas lights go on, the parties begin and the pre-Xmas sales make us all eager to bag a bargain. But as 25 December draws nearer, for many Australians in London it can also be a difficult time, or at least an occasion full of mixed feelings.

If it’s your first Christmas in London it may be novel and new. It’s possibly your first Xmas in the cold – perfect for mulled wine and traditional Xmas dinners which are the staple of Christmas here in the UK; and the complete opposite to the BBQs, seafood and beach celebrations that you may be used to back at home.

If you are new to London, perhaps you are sharing a house with a bunch of Aussies who will party their way through Christmas into New Year, or you will take the opportunity to travel to somewhere in Europe and enjoy the snow, immersing yourself in the traditions of somewhere completely different.

There are certainly many ways to occupy your time and enjoy the festive season on this side of the world, and you don’t have to be new here to enjoy it.

But for many Australians, once the novelty has worn off, this time of year can be challenging. Because it is a time of year so synonymous with family and close friends, it can be genuinely hard being away from loved ones. As a result, homesickness can kick in quite dramatically for some. Plus, as we all know, it is an incredibly expensive time to travel Down Under. So, it’s not necessarily possible to just jump on a plane if you start missing everyone and decide you want to be at home with them all.

You could be suffering from Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)

The impact of the cold and darkness at this time of year should also not be underestimated, particularly for Antipodeans who are used to summer and plenty of sunshine in December.

A genuine condition that many people can develop during winter in this part of the world is Seasonal Affective Disorder, aptly known as SAD. This is a type of depression that has a seasonal pattern. The episodes of depression tend to happen at the same time each year and it is often referred to as winter depression.

The main symptoms of SAD are similar to other forms of depression in that they involve low mood, and a decreased interest in, or ability to enjoy, life. It is quite common to feel lacking in energy and being tired too, despite the amount of sleep you have. In fact, people suffering from SAD may sleep more than usual and struggle with getting out of bed. SAD is something that can be experienced by anyone but if you are new to the UK and not used to the long darkness that descends in winter, you may be quite prone to developing it.

So what can you do if you find yourself struggling in different ways at this time of year – whether that be with SAD or because you are feeling homesick or lonely?

A touch of Aussie Christmas: anything that gives you a little taste of home – however clichéd or corny – can be comforting

If you are homesick, lonely and longing for Oz, bringing a bit of home into your festivities here could help bring to life positive memories and associations. For instance, ask family or friends to send you some of your favourite treats from home which are quintessentially Australian; such as Tim Tams, Cheezels, Cherry Ripes or Wagon Wheels. Or perhaps you could make a pavlova or some other kind of Australian dessert to share with your friends on Christmas Day – either instead of, or alongside, your Christmas pudding.

Getting together with other Australians over the Christmas period might also help, as there is something about being around others who know what you are feeling that can lift your spirits. And watching some of your favourite stereotypical and lighthearted Aussie movies like The Castle, Muriel’s Wedding or Priscilla Queen of the Desert might also feel familiar and comforting. In fact, anything that gives you a little taste of home – however clichéd or corny – can be comforting at this time of year, so indulge to your hearts content.

However, if you are struggling with more than just homesickness or loneliness at this time of year, perhaps seeking outside help could be worthwhile. In particular, if you know you are suffering from winter depression or SAD (or after reading this, you think you may be), there are things that can help. Getting some sunshine whenever and wherever you can is worthwhile. Some people find SAD lamps make a big difference and similarly there are now SAD type alarm clocks which light up slowly in the morning to mirror the sunrise (but at a time that suits you) so that you wake up naturally and your body rhythms may be better aligned for starting the day.

Exercise can also be helpful. Even though it may feel like a struggle, it can help to level out your moods and give you more energy.

You are not alone in feeling this way at Christmas

And if you are really finding it difficult to cope, it may be worth considering counselling. A counsellor can offer you professional support and understanding and a place to talk without judgement. While together with your counsellor, you can work on identifying and implementing some lifestyle changes which may help to reduce your symptoms and make you feel a little better.

So if you are struggling with enjoying the Yuletide festivities here in the UK, perhaps you can take comfort from the fact that you are not alone. And also in that there are some things you can do, both big and small, which may improve how you are feeling at Christmas time.

Saff Mitten is an Australian counsellor, psychotherapist and life coach who lives and works in London. She has a great understanding of the range of practical and emotional issues Australians can face when living in the UK. If you want to contact her, visit her website: www.saffmittentherapy.com

The post How homesick expats can keep Christmas merry appeared first on Australian Times News.

It can be quite challenging when you first arrive from Australia and find yourself trying to settle into daily life here in London, particularly if you are looking to establish yourself here career wise, rather than working in any old job simply to fund your travels and have a good time.

If you are willing to work for minimum wage and do whatever it takes to experience London and Europe on a shoestring hanging out with other travellers in the same boat, chances are you will be able to find employment relatively easily and you will be able to scrape together enough money to go out, have a good a time and travel.

But if you are coming to the UK, maybe in your late 20s or early 30s, and want to progress your career things may be a bit more challenging. When I first arrived many years ago I had already registered with a number of recruitment agencies before I got here and formed relationships with some recruiters. As a result I was lucky enough to get some interviews lined up which led to me securing a job in the first few weeks. However, this is often not the case.

I know many people who, despite having plenty of experience, struggled to find work in their field for a long period of time after they arrived. This was not only financially difficult but it was really demoralising for them too, making life in London a lot more of a struggle and making them question whether it was worthwhile staying. However, although it was initially tough, when they did finally get work things turned around quickly for them and they began to feel more settled and at ease.

But aside from the practicalities, one of the most important aspects of life in the city is establishing a social life and developing friendships. If you decide to live in an area full of Aussies and Kiwis – or move into a share house with a bunch of them – you are likely to have somewhat of a ready-made social life, given how friendly and welcoming Aussies tend to be to their compatriots, particularly when overseas. This can be fun and enjoyable and will probably make you feel more settled in and at home, but it means that you may not experience London in the same way as people who grew up here. In fact, some might say that you are just transporting the Aussie culture and lifestyle to a different city, although I would say to each their own.

However, if you come over to the UK with a partner or you just decide to ‘go it alone’ and mix mainly with British and Europeans because you want to experience the London of Londoners, you may find it a bit more challenging getting settled in and making friends. It can be that people are less inclined to want to befriend you properly, even at work, because they assume that like many other Aussies you aren’t going to be around that long and they don’t want to invest their time and energy into becoming friends with someone who is going to leave in a year’s time. Also, as people get older and have a more established circle of friends, they don’t necessarily have the time or inclination to add to that circle. So depending what age you are, forming real friendships may at times be tough and you may find yourself missing your friends back home a lot.

That said, I realise it may feel hard to talk to friends and family back home about the struggles and challenges you are facing too, as if they have not been through it themselves they may not understand. Or they might encourage you to just come home. And spending too much time talking to friends back home may prevent you from fully committing to putting yourself out there and trying to establish real London friendships. In such instances, whether you are struggling with work, your personal life or just getting used to life in another country and culture, some people can find it helpful to talk to a counsellor who understands these challenges and is able to help support you in getting more settled here, as well as exploring ways of making progress – be that socially or professionally.

Realistically though, if you are here to develop your career and establish a new life for yourself for however long you decide to stay, I think for many people it probably takes about a year or more to feel properly settled and at home, and to form relationships that have the potential grow into real and lasting friendships. Therefore, I guess what I am saying is don’t necessarily expect everything to be easy when you arrive here in the UK. There are likely to be some obstacles, but if you persevere, at some point things will probably start to fall into place and it will hopefully seem worthwhile in the end – because despite the challenges it presents, London is also an engaging and exciting city with lots to offer, and life here is rarely boring.

Also by Saff Mitten

Falling in love in London could become a very big problem, 

The psychology of living overseas: Is home not your home anymore?

Saff Mitten is an Australian counsellor, psychotherapist and life coach living and working in London. She has a great understanding of the range of practical and emotional issues Australians can face when living in the UK. If you want to contact her, please email info@saffmittentherapy.com or call her on 07721872160. Also, if you want to find out more information about what Saff does, you can visit her website: www.saffmittentherapy.com

The post Starting a new life in London is a challenge for expats, but it is worth persevering appeared first on Australian Times News.

Dating and relationships can be a fun and important part of experiencing life in the UK. However, it can potentially pose a problem if you fall in love with a Londoner or someone from elsewhere in the world other than home. Why? Because longer term, if the relationship becomes serious it may create a real dilemma about the future.

If you start thinking this could be someone you could settle down with, where are you going to live? Do you love your boyfriend/girlfriend and London enough to give up everything you love and identify with back home and stay here permanently? Or are you expecting (or hoping) them to move across the world and start a new life with you in Oz?

Chances are it is something you may not even have thought about, but if you end up in this situation, it may not be straight forward…

Aussie girl meets London boy

For instance, I know a girl from Sydney in her early 30’s who started dating a Londoner but was clear from the outset that she intended to return home at some point to live. After they had been together for a couple of years she invited her boyfriend back to Australia for a holiday to meet her family and friends. They had a great holiday and he came back with a positive view of Oz.

She was of the view that because she had always been clear she intended to move back to Australia at some point, that he should have realised that meant he needed to be willing to live there too.

From this point on things seemed to become more serious between them and they began to discuss getting engaged. But then came the thorny topic of where to live if they got married. She was adamant that Sydney was her home and she wanted to return there to settle down and have a family. However, he was less sure about making such a big move.

Unfortunately, this caused considerable conflict between them. She was of the view that because she had always been clear she intended to move back to Australia at some point, that he should have realised that meant he needed to be willing to live there too. And after all, he had enjoyed it when he was there. He disagreed, pointing out that his family and friends were all here and because they had both been living here happily anyway, it made sense they just stay, rather than both having to start again back in Sydney.

Despite much discussion and soul searching, in the end neither of them was willing to give up their home town/country and all that it represented. It was too much of a sacrifice to make in the long term. As a result, they eventually came to the conclusion they had no choice but to break up, even though they loved each other and had planned on getting married and having children together.

Devastating stuff; and on some level they both felt that as a result of the outcome, they had wasted three years of their lives.

How did it come to this?

From a psychological perspective, one of the main issues was that they had both made assumptions about the future and where they would live, but had not communicated openly with one another until late into the relationship. As a result, neither knew what the other one was thinking or where they stood on this important issue.

He had assumed that if they got married they would go to Oz for holidays, but London would be their home.

When they first met one another she had said that she intended to move back to Sydney at some point, but she hadn’t mentioned this again and so he thought that maybe things were different now that they were in a relationship.

Also, he hadn’t realised that from her perspective the trip back to Australia was as much about him seeing what it was like to potentially live there, as it was to meet her family and friends. So perhaps not unsurprisingly, he had assumed that if they got married they would go to Oz for holidays, but London would be their home.

Still call Australia home

Therefore, when entering into a relationship with someone from the UK (or elsewhere other than Oz), if you know in your heart that Australia is where you want to live long term, it is worth keeping that in mind and sharing that with your partner when it feels right, preferably before things become too serious. And if you are unsure where you want to end up eventually, perhaps it is important to try and work that out for yourself, or to at least enter into a dialogue about it with your partner.

Clearly you don’t want to have these conversations too early into the relationship – as it is a bit premature and could scare them off – but if things start to develops further between you, it may be something worth considering and discussing before investing too much time and becoming seriously attached.

London for life?

Of course, some Aussies do decide to make London their permanent home when they fall in love and they go on to create happy lives in the UK with their partners. While conversely, some people meet partners in the UK who are more than happy to emigrate to Australia and start a life with them there.

However, for us Aussies it is important not to underestimate the importance of home and belonging too.

The reality for many Aussies is that as much as they may enjoy living here for a few years or maybe more, they may never feel like London (or the UK) is, or could truly become home for them. Committing to stay somewhere that doesn’t feel like home may be too big of a commitment to make long term, even for love.

When facing this type of big life decision, in addition to talking to your partner about it before things progress too far, you may find that seeing a counsellor could also help.

Get help

Counselling can give you an opportunity to explore and examine your thoughts and feelings about this issue with someone who is not invested in the outcome – unlike your partner, friends and family who are all likely to have their own opinions. Additionally, it gives you the opportunity to be supported by a professional who can discuss the situation with you in depth, asking the right questions to enable you to consider all the angles and make an informed decision about what is right for you in your individual circumstances.

Also see by Saff: The psychology of living overseas: Is home not your home anymore?

Saff Mitten is an Australian counsellor, psychotherapist and life coach living and working in London. She has a great understanding of the range of practical and emotional issues Australians can face when living in the UK. If you want to contact her, please email info@saffmittentherapy.com or call her on 07721872160. Also, if you want to find out more information about what Saff does, you can visit her website: www.saffmittentherapy.com

IMAGE: Shutterstock.com (Loreanto)

The post Falling in love in London could become a very big problem for an Aussie expat appeared first on Australian Times News.

This can be an important question if you are an Australian living in the UK – or an expat of any stripe for that matter – to ask yourself, particularly if you are considering whether or not to stay here permanently or to move back to home.

So what does ‘home’ mean to you? When you really think about it where are you drawn to or where do you feel you belong? Is home where you grew up, the country you are from, your cultural upbringing, the city you live in, or is it perhaps a feeling, a person, or something harder to pinpoint and describe?

A place to belong?

Some people are of the view that Aussies who venture over to the UK to live, often do so because they don’t feel entirely at home in Australia and they are looking for something or somewhere different – a place where they feel that they might fit in better or belong. That may well be true for some of you. Australia, or the city or town you are from, just might not fit with who you feel you are or who you want to be and maybe it never will. Perhaps when you arrived in London and got yourself established here everything just clicked and you felt like London was the place for you. As such, maybe you felt you were really home.

However, I wonder if for many Australians journeying overseas to the UK and elsewhere it is typically more about having new experiences and adventures and discovering more about who they are as individuals, whilst in the process inadvertently finding an internal sense of home and belonging?

Liberation from home allows you true independence

Although living across the other side of the world can be scary, lonely and challenging at times, there is often a sense of freedom and liberation in being so far away from friends and family who are likely to have distinct perceptions and expectations of who they think you are and what you are like. Leaving all of that behind gives you the opportunity to break away and to experiment with being different. This process can therefore be incredibly rewarding as it can lead to you discovering how you truly want to be in life, what fits with who you are now and what makes you happy as an independent adult.

Part of the process is likely to involve making mistakes along the way as you learn and grow and take risks, but I would argue that is all part of what makes the experience of living overseas richer and more rewarding in the long term. Why? Because working out who we are is often achieved as much through experiencing and discovering what we don’t like or what doesn’t suit us, as what does. This process of exploration can involve all aspects of our lives: work, friendships, romance, hobbies and socialising. As such, your time living in the UK might involve quite a lot of change and upheaval, both positive and negative.

For this very reason some people find counselling or coaching helpful, because it gives them the opportunity to explore who they are and what they want in their life, as well as helping support them through any changes they are making or dealing with whether personally or work related. At times that can also involve looking at what home means to you and where you eventually would like to end up – particularly if you are trying to decide between life in London and returning to Australia, both of which are likely to have pros and cons.

I worried that as more time passed, Australia might feel less and less like home

Thinking about my own personal experiences as an Aussie living and working in London for many years, although I have always considered myself Australian (and a proud Aussie at that), up until recently I never felt truly at home anywhere. In fact, like a lot of Australians living in the UK for long periods of time, I think I felt in-between places, not totally committed to London but not wanting to move back to Australia either. And I worried that as more time passed, Australia might feel less and less like home, so I would end up feeling in-between places permanently, or like nowhere would ever really feel like home.

However, when I went back to Sydney for a visit for my 40th birthday after a number of years away (and having made a lot of changes in my life during that time), I finally realised where my true home lay. Almost from the moment the plane landed in Sydney I had a powerful sense that I was home, in a deep and abiding way. It wasn’t about the people, the culture or the place specifically… but at the same time, it was about all of it. I just felt that Australia, and more specifically Sydney, was where I belonged and where I fit, in a way I had never felt before about anywhere.

That doesn’t mean I was heading back permanently anytime soon, as my life and work is here and I am happy in London. What it does mean though is that I now know what it feels like to have a true sense of belonging, and that gives me an internal sense of security and comfort regardless of where I am in the world.

Saff Mitten is an Australian counsellor, psychotherapist and life coach living and working in London. She has a great understanding of the range of practical and emotional issues Australians can face when living in the UK. If you want to contact her, please email info@saffmittentherapy.com or call her on 07721872160. Also, if you want to find out more information about what Saff does, you can visit her website: www.saffmittentherapy.com

The post The psychology of living overseas: Is home not your home anymore? appeared first on Australian Times News.